Do you want to go exploring?

This week: Thor and Loki have some sisterly feels, and the internet rejoices, because there is nothing the internet loves more than feels (except, of course, kittens).

Mild spoilers for Thor: The Dark World, and … Norse Mythology, should you be really concerned about that.

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Song 10: Do you want to go exploring?
Other people have come with some seriously funny parody options for this song, including: Do you want to kill some Frost Giants?, Do you want to hunt a bilgesnipe?, Do you want to dethrone Odin?, Do you want to destroy Midgard? … man, Thor and Loki are pretty violent Disney princesses, aren’t they?

I went in a slightly more sappy direction. Just like ‘Do you want to build a snowman?’ in Frozen, ‘Do you want to go exploring?’ is the exposition of how Thor and Loki’s relationship gets to the conflicted place seen at the beginning of the story.

Unlike Frozen, though, the song is at the end of the musical, in a flashback set immediately after Thor comes to Loki in prison and asks for help destroying the Aether. This is the point where Thor claims that s/he no longer views Loki as a sister/brother, and for anyone who still thinks that “superhero movies are poorly written and the actors don’t even try” – false. Look no further than this scene, which is a wonderful example of thoughtful, subtle character development in a screenplay (of any genre), and a great showcase of Chris Hemsworth’s acting ability.

A lot of the events in the song happen silently during the musical interlude, which makes understanding it a bit tricky without a visual, so here is what’s going on: The long instrumental interlude is this musical’s take on the ‘Loki steals Sif’s golden hair’ story, and verse 3 is in immediate response to that.

Song 11: Do you want to go exploring reprise
Frozen didn’t have a reprise for ‘Do you want to build a snowman?’ which is a crying shame, because that would have been perfect for sad-Elsa, all alone up in her fortress of icy doom.

This song is the final scene of Thor: The Frozen World, set right after Thor tells ‘Odin’ that she is going to return to Midgard to be with Jane. Then, curtain on evil Loki smirk – and can I just say that the transition from melancholy to ominous in the final measures of the song is further proof in my brain that the creators of Frozen wanted a Thor-rewrite all along? Because it couldn’t be more perfect for that ending.

The complete set of Thor: The Frozen World songs can be found here.

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WordPress doesn’t seem to play well with Macs, so if you can’t play these files, I’m sorry! Maybe try another device? If you are on an iPhone, Blackberry, PC, or something else, and they still won’t play … I just don’t know. I’m working on making youtube videos for everything.

DO YOU WANT TO GO EXPLORING?

5-year-old Thor:
Loki?
Do you want to go exploring?
Come on, let’s go and play!
I found a super scary cave
It might be a grave
Let’s go see it today

We’ll always be best buddies
No matter what
I promise I’ll be by your side
Do you want to go exploring?
If you’re too scared to go exploring …

5-year-old Loki:
[spoken] I am not, and you know it, Thor!

5-year-old Thor:
[spoken] It worked, didn’t it? Come on, hurry up!

10-year-old Thor:
Do you want to go exploring
Or catch some fish down in the brook?
I think some sparring might be overdue
Before you fall into the pages of your book
[spoken] What does that even say?

I promise if you come out
Then when we return
We’ll do whatever you want to do!
[Wooden swords clacking]

16-year-old Thor
Loki?
Please, I know you’re in there
Will you open up the door?
They say “Don’t trust her”
But I don’t agree!
I wish you’d talk to me
Just let me in

You’ll always be my sister
No matter what
I just wish you wouldn’t lie
Do you want to go exploring…?

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DO YOU WANT TO GO EXPLORING?, REPRISE

Thor:
Father
Please, I cannot stay here
I leave for Midgard with the dawn
I forgot how much I needed her
The way we were
And now she’s gone

I’ll always protect Asgard
But not as Queen
If I ruled my heart would grow hard
For now, I want to go exploring

Loki:
Goodbye

Let it go

This Week:

Dear “Dad”,

Suck it.

Hate Always,

Loki

PS-You too, Thor.

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Well here goes. Let it Go. There are many, many versions of this song, but Loki’s is a bit…angrier. Despite rampant fan speculation, we have no concrete idea of what happened to movie-Loki during the year between the end of Thor and the beginning of Avengers, including how he aligned with the Chitauri and Thanos, and what happened to make him show up on Earth looking like Mr. Roadkill Raccoon and acting less like an extremely intelligent super-villain-with-a-plan and more like a sleep deprived heroin junkie.

See? Clearly nothing went wrong here. Nothing at all.

See? Clearly nothing went wrong here. Nothing at all.

My dearest Marvel: I am thrilled that you have movies planned out to 2028, and I have complete faith that one of those 14 YEARS of films will explain what happened off-screen to your (by far) best villain to date to cause such a shift in behavior. Also, while we’re chatting, how exactly did he get a new outfit while floating around in space? Is Thanos an armor designer with a zipper fetish? Please say Thanos is an armor designer with a zipper fetish. Anyway, back to Princess Loki. In The Frozen World, ‘Let it go’ is the bridge (ha, pun intended) between that mysterious time period and Loki’s arrival on Earth. The first two verses are set on the Chitauri homeworld (or wherever she landed after falling). Starting with the second chorus, Loki arrives to Earth and wreaks havoc at SHIELD and in Stuttgart. (The complete set of Thor: The Frozen World songs is here) ===============================
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If one or both of the song files are not playing on your device, please let me know! Apparently a lot of people can’t play the files, so I uploaded a lyrics video to youtube:

 

Loki

The stars burn bright in this desolate night
Not a person to be seen
A kingdom of devastation,
and it looks like I’m the queen

The wind is howling
like this monster deep inside
Couldn’t keep it in;
though I know you tried

It’s finally clear, my legacy
The shadow’s where you wanted me to be
You lie, deny, won’t let me know
Well now I know

Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold me back anymore
Let it go, let it go
I am through coming second to Thor
I don’t care what they’re going to say
Let the storm begin
The cold never bothered me anyway

It’s funny how some distance
makes everything seem small
and the shame that once controlled me
can’t get to me at all

I’ll finally prove what I can do
I’ll test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me I’m free

Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and say goodbye
Let it go, let it go
My whole life was a lie
Here I stand and here I stay
Let the storm begin

I bring you chaos
like you’ve never known before
Come, kneel before me –
give up your pointless freedom, endless war
I see my path unfolding,
now the die is cast
I’m never going back,
the past is in the past

Let it go, let it go
They’re better off with me gone
Let it go, let it go
I am done playing the pawn
Here I stand – I’m not going away
Let the storm begin
The cold never bothered me anyway

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Next Week: Loki and Thor battle during the Chitauri invasion of Earth, which is about the only thing that happens in this musical from Avengers, so blink and you’ll miss it!

Love is an bifrost door

This Week: Thor and Jane fall in love. That’s right, everyone, as of right now, Thor: The Frozen World is a superhero-princess-lesbian musical adventure. This is an epic genre, including timeless classics like BtVS: Once More with Feeling, and…

Well… It’s also a selective genre, okay?

This song takes place when Jane and Thor are talking on the roof about the realms and the bifrost, and can I just say that these two do not get nearly enough flak for falling in love over what is basically a long weekend? I mean, look Jane, I understand that Thor has muscles that completely defy mortal logic, but darling, he was passed out and/or acted like a neanderthal jerk for two whole days out of your…three days of knowing him, and you pined over him for two years?

And Thor! You’re what, 1500 years old? Shouldn’t you know better by now? You know what, I’ll let Elsa/Loki say it for me:

Woman you just met
In my musical, this exchange would definitely happen during the final bifrost fight scene.

Complete set of Thor: The Frozen World songs can be found here.

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LOVE IS AN OPEN DOOR

Jane: Can I say something crazy?

Thor: Midgardians seem wont to do so.

Jane: All my life people have told me my head’s up in space,
And then suddenly I run into you

Thor: Twice
Jane: I’m so sorry!
Thor: Fret not, Lady Jane

Thor: I’ve struggled for so long to live up to my place
And maybe it’s the coffee talking, or a change in world view

Both: But with you,
Thor: I’ve a new place
Jane: I’ve found my space
Both: And it’s nothing like I’ve ever known before

Love is an bifrost door (x3)
With you (x4)
Love is an bifrost door

Jane: I mean it’s crazy
Thor: What?
Jane: You’re nothing like other-
Thor: Warriors!
Jane: Not what I was thinking…
Both: I’ve never met someone with so much to teach me

Thor Another! Just kidding

Both: This cosmic expatriation
Jane: May change all my calculations
Thor: May come to be my salvation
Both: You and I were just meant to meet!
Say goodbye to the pain of the past
We don’t have to feel it anymore

Love is an bifrost door (x2)
Life can be so much more
With you (x4)
Love is an bifrost door

Thor: Much like the bifrost!
Jane: Yeah about that, I wanted to ask–how do you keep it stable? You’d have to have some sort of highly conductive metal sphereoid, right?
Thor: What?

Next Week: Next week’s update is happening on Friday. Why? We’ve finally gotten to Loki’s songs, including ‘Let it Go’! So, in honor of everyone’s favorite intergalactic mama’s boy, screw stupid Thor and his stupid day, we’re posting on Frigga’s day.

I just can’t wait to be queen!

This week: Back to childhood, when everything was love, fluff, and baby bilgesnipes for our two hero(ine)s (at least in comparison to trying to kill, maim and/or imprison each other)!

First of all, my friend Patrick painted an awesome picture of Princess Thor and Loki for me! This is the first official fan art for Thor: The Frozen World. Congrats Pat! You get free tickets to the show if it ever happens.
Thor and Loki painting

I am skipping BACK to song number 2 of the musical, which is set immediately following the scene in the weapons vault, when Thor and Loki are children. The song is based on ‘I just can’t wait to be king,’ which is of course from The Lion King instead of Frozen, but how can you possibly write a fake Disney musical based on the Thor franchise and not have tiny Thor and Loki singing this song? Seriously, try it. I challenge you.

Plus, tiny Loki is singing both Zazu and Nala’s parts, and the adorableness…I can’t even handle it. Patronizing authority figure meets loveable side kick? This combo 100% sums up child Loki for me.

One note on the lyrics: Since this musical is a choose-your-own-gender adventure, I had to decide on a song-by-song basis whether to develop a rhyming scheme around ‘king’ or ‘queen.’ I elected to respect the source material, so throughout this song there are places where ‘queen’ is only a near rhyme. I lost a mild amount of sleep over that, but moved on.

The complete set of Thor: The Frozen World songs can be found here.
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I JUST CAN’T WAIT TO BE QUEEN

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If one or both of the songs files are not playing on your device, please let me know!

Thor
I’m gonna be a mighty queen
my enemies all slain

Loki
Plus you’d be the first to rule with only half a brain

Thor
I’m gonna be the queen who reigns/rains
like no one did before
with Mjolnir I can reach the sky
and settle every score

Loki
You know, Thor, hitting won’t solve everything

Thor
I just can’t wait to be queen!

Come on, Loki!
No one saying hit this
No one saying fight fair

Loki
No one saying no tricks

Both
No one saying stay here

Thor
Free to run around all day

Loki
Free to do it all my way!

Thor
Or my way!

Loki
Your way is usually unnecessarily violent and exceedingly boring.

Thor
And leads to less trouble!

Loki
Oh does it? And what about that time when—no, Thor, no!

Thor
Loki!

Loki
You always fall for that.

Thor
Heh, do I?

Loki
Stop it! Put me down, Thor!

Don’t you think the ruler of the nine realms should be smart?

Thor
Queens don’t need advice from little sisters for a start!

Loki
Fine! If stupid oafs like you get to be queen
then count me out!
I’ll leave Asgard, and the nine realms—

Thor
Loki, please don’t pout.
I didn’t mean to spoil anything.
It’s just— I just can’t wait to be queen!
You know we’ll do it all together

Loki
You say that now…

Thor
Whatever happens. I promise!

musical interlude

Thor
Everybody look left

Loki
Everybody look right

Thor
Everywhere you look I’m standing in the spotlight!

Loki
Not me…

All
We’ll cast a spell to make the nine realms sing
The branches of Yggdrasil’ll bloom like spring
We’re gonna be the best Asgard can bring

Thor
I just can’t wait to be queen

Loki
I just can’t wait to be queen

Both
We just can’t wait…to be queen!

Next Week: Adventures on Midgard! Thor and Jane fall in love (over a single weekend)! Darcy is…a slightly more PG 13 version of Olaf the jazzy snowman!  

Being Green (Blooded)

It is almost inconceivable to me that I am a month into this blog, and haven’t posted a Star Trek song yet. Not to imply that Thor isn’t great, but I’ve been a Star Trek fan since I was *3*. One of my earliest memories is of standing in the middle of the kitchen dressed in my Halloween costume (a TNG uniform), and sobbing because I had just learned that Starfleet didn’t exist, so I couldn’t join and hang out with my idols Tasha Yar and Worf. This was far, far more upsetting than Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, combined.

So let’s fix this situation.

I wrote and recorded this for some friends a few years ago, but now that I’m looking at it again, it’s making me wish that Muppets in Space had been a Trek cross-over. An epic showdown between Gonzo and Kermit as Kirk and Spock versus Waldorf and Fozzie Bear as Picard and Riker (McCoy would be Statler, caught between the two crews), Swedish Chef as Chekov, Animal as Sulu, and…

Weskey Beaker

Tell me you don’t want to see Wesley Crusher as Beaker. YOU CAN’T.

People. Somebody needs to do this. And if that somebody does not come forth by the time I am finished with Thor: The Frozen World, it might end up being me. In the mean time, here is “Being Green (Blooded),” as sung by T’Pei, Vulcan Ops Lieutenant, lounge singer, and Miss Star Trek Universe winner.

T'Pei
A rare photographic capture of that introspective moment just before one bursts into song in the middle of bridge duty.

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Being Green (Blooded)
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It’s not that easy being green
Having to spend each day around irrational beings
At times I think it could be rather easier
Being Andorian, Terran, or Trill
Something quite emotional like that

No, it’s not that easy being green
When people think that all you are is a machine
And they view you as uncaring
If you’re not screaming out like angry Klingons in a battle
Or breaking down to cry

But green is the color of reason
And green may be cool and dignified
For green means control of emotion
Applying logic to commotion
And efficiency!

When green is what you’re born to be
It could make you wonder why
But why wonder, why wonder?
I am green and that will be fine – because it’s logical
And I find that quite acceptable

Next Week: Back to Thor next Thursday!

Forever reprise & Endless Night

Today: Thor almost became queen of the nine realms, but…didn’t. Then, she was banished, stripped of her powers, and told her father was dead. This has not been a stellar day for Thor, really.

The music editing went a bit more smoothly this week. Because I got better, you ask? Haha, no. The strange, buzzy alien high notes are still there despite my best efforts. I just decided to take a page from the Samuel L. Jackson Rulebook of Zen Intergalactic Diplomacy: “You stay up there above the staff, behave yourselves, and we’re cool. But you come down here below F, start breaking new sh#t? I’ll send you on a vacation to Tahiti you won’t come back from. Capisce?* Good. Welcome to the planet, motherf%^#ers.”

A pretty timely attitude shift, since Thor’s about to get her own warm Midgard welcome, Clark Gregg style. Song #4 of TFW takes place while Thor is being held for questioning in SHIELD’s impromptu what-the-hell-is-this-electromagnetic-hammer-from-the-sky facility. It begins immediately after Loki arrives and lies to her about Odin’s death and extends through Loki’s failed attempt at Mjolnir worthiness** and return to Asgard. This song, a reprise of the end of ‘For the first time in forever,’ technically does not appear in Frozen.

Song #5 is based on ‘Endless Night,’ from the Broadway version of The Lion King, and does not have a perfect scene correlate in the movies. It takes place sometime after Thor has been sprung from the SHIELD facility, and sometime before the scene with Jane on the roof of–whatever they were on the roof of. Her trailer? Don’t I remember them having a fire up there? That seems perfectly safe! Carry on, you crazy lovebirds.

A complete song list for Thor: The Frozen World can be found here.

*Al Pacino also helped develop this rulebook, because of course he did. On a related note, can you imagine how fantastic an action movie starring these two would be? (Sea of Love doesn’t count). I don’t care what genre: buddy cop, spy versus spy, documentary…I would see it in theatres 1 million times. Make this happen, Hollywood.
**I love how Loki cannot catch a break. Ever. I mean, sure, this is definitely not the most worthy moment of his entire existence, but sometimes I think that Kenneth Branagh and Joss Whedon must have gone out for beers to brainstorm all the creative ways they could show this character getting screwed over, and about 4 pints in, one of them (Whedon) said, “You know what? I’m trashed. Let’s just put them all in.”
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TFW Song 4: Forever reprise

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If one or both of the songs files are not playing on your device, please let me know!

Thor
I’m such a fool, I didn’t see
I’m not the queen Asgard needs me to be
Sister don’t leave, please do not go
Just ask mother – she’ll take me back, I know

Loki
She said you must stay here

Thor
She said I must stay here?

Loki
I’m sorry sister dear

Thor
Sister don’t leave me here

Loki
I must return to watch over the throne

Thor
-the throne!

(Loki/Thor simultaneously)
Loki
For the first time in forever
I have what I’ve dreamed of since birth
A chance to make my family proud
A chance to prove my worth

Thor
I’m such a fool, what have I done?
I had it all and now I have no one
Father… father, mother, how could I know?

Loki
And I know it might end tomorrow
So it has to be today!
But for the first time in forever
For the first time in forever
Nothing’s in my way!

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TFW Song 5: Endless Night
Because Loki doesn’t have a monopoly on angst

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If one or both of the songs files are not playing on your device, please let me know!

Thor
Where has the starlight gone
Dark is the day
How can I find my way home?
Home is an empty dream
Lost to the night
Sister, I feel so alone

I promised I’d be there
Whenever you needed me
But now if you needed me
I can’t do anything

I’m trying to hold on
Though I know not what I should do
How can I redeem myself
and end this nightmare

When will the dawning break
Oh endless night
Sleepless I dream of the day
When we stood side by side
Forging our path
Sister I can’t find the way

I promised I’d be there
Whenever you needed me
But now if you needed me
I can’t do anything

I’m trying to hold on
Though I know not what I should do
How can I redeem myself
and end this nightmare

Chorus
I know that the night must end
And then the sun will rise
I know that the clouds must clear
And that the sun will shine

Thor
I know that the night must end
And then the sun will rise
I know that the clouds must clear
Because the storm is mine

I know, yes I know the sun will rise
Yes I know, I know the clouds must clear
I know that the night must end
I know that the sun will rise
And I’ll find my strength deep inside
I know that the night must end
And that the clouds must clear
Oh, the storm, the storm is mine
The storm, the storm is mine!

Next week: I am taking a hiatus for visiting family, so there will be no new Thor:TFW songs. There will be a different song though, so check back!

Applying Antisymmetry

The other day I was washing dishes and singing “Defying Gravity” (as one does), while absently thinking through a problem I am having with a current analysis, and it occurred to me just how well the word ‘antisymmetry’ fit with the song.

So, in honor of starting this blog right before Valentine’s day, I’ve decided to write a fake parody album called Love Songs for Linguistic Theories, to eventually include DM, LFG, and OT, among others – if you have a request, let me know in the comments! For now, here are the lyrics to “Applying Antisymmetry.” For any interested non-linguists out there, learn about Antisymmetry here.

I like to imagine that this scene starts with Ricki picking up Image and discovering that it can cast powerful, irreversible spells on sentence structure.

APPLYING ANTISYMMETRY (dedicated to Richard Kayne) Sing along

GRAD STUDENT RICKI
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through deriving by the rules
Of Mister Chomsky’s fame
Too late for late insertion
Too late to try last resort
It’s time to be dynamic
Come out and show support!
It’s time to try
Applying antisymmetry
I think I’ll try
Applying antisymmetry
And you won’t crash my tree!

GRAD STUDENT MINNIE
Can’t I make you understand?
Not everything is head initial…

RICKI
I’m through with processing limits
’cause someone says they’re so
Some things I can’t derive
But till I try, I’ll never know!
Too long I’ve been afraid that
Remnant movement means I’ve lost
Well, if it works
I’ll take it whatever the cost!
And so I’ll buy
Applying antisymmetry
Kiss me goodbye
I’m applying antisymmetry
And you can’t crash my tree.

(spoken) Minnie, come with me.
Think of what we could
write, together.

(sung) Unlimited
Together we’re unlimited
Together we’ll have the best CV
There’s ever been
Minnie –
Trees, the way we planned ’em

MINNIE
If we merge in tandem

BOTH
There’s no data we can’t explain
Just you and I
Applying Antisymmetry
With you and I
Applying Antisymmetry

RICKI
They’ll never crash our tree!
(spoken) Well? Are you coming?

MINNIE
I hope you’re happy
Now that you’re choosing this

RICKI
(spoken) You too
(sung) I hope it brings you bliss

BOTH
I really hope that you’re sure
And you don’t miss out on tenure
I hope you’re happy in the end
I hope you’re happy, my friend

RICKI
So if you care to find me
Call me at NYU!
For this is my new motto:
‘I cannot live in fear of peer review!’
And if I publish solo
At least I publish free
To those who cite me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
applying antisymmetry
I’m no bad guy for
applying antisymmetry
And soon I’ll match them in renown
And nobody in all the field
Whatever theory they may wield
Is ever gonna crash my tree!

MINNIE
I hope you’re happy!

LINGUIST MOB
Look at her, she’s wicked!
Get her!

RICKI
Crash my tree!

LINGUIST MOB
No one cites the wicked
So we’ve got to crash her –

RICKI
Ahhh!

LINGUIST MOB
– Tree!