Do you want to go exploring?

This week: Thor and Loki have some sisterly feels, and the internet rejoices, because there is nothing the internet loves more than feels (except, of course, kittens).

Mild spoilers for Thor: The Dark World, and … Norse Mythology, should you be really concerned about that.

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Song 10: Do you want to go exploring?
Other people have come with some seriously funny parody options for this song, including: Do you want to kill some Frost Giants?, Do you want to hunt a bilgesnipe?, Do you want to dethrone Odin?, Do you want to destroy Midgard? … man, Thor and Loki are pretty violent Disney princesses, aren’t they?

I went in a slightly more sappy direction. Just like ‘Do you want to build a snowman?’ in Frozen, ‘Do you want to go exploring?’ is the exposition of how Thor and Loki’s relationship gets to the conflicted place seen at the beginning of the story.

Unlike Frozen, though, the song is at the end of the musical, in a flashback set immediately after Thor comes to Loki in prison and asks for help destroying the Aether. This is the point where Thor claims that s/he no longer views Loki as a sister/brother, and for anyone who still thinks that “superhero movies are poorly written and the actors don’t even try” – false. Look no further than this scene, which is a wonderful example of thoughtful, subtle character development in a screenplay (of any genre), and a great showcase of Chris Hemsworth’s acting ability.

A lot of the events in the song happen silently during the musical interlude, which makes understanding it a bit tricky without a visual, so here is what’s going on: The long instrumental interlude is this musical’s take on the ‘Loki steals Sif’s golden hair’ story, and verse 3 is in immediate response to that.

Song 11: Do you want to go exploring reprise
Frozen didn’t have a reprise for ‘Do you want to build a snowman?’ which is a crying shame, because that would have been perfect for sad-Elsa, all alone up in her fortress of icy doom.

This song is the final scene of Thor: The Frozen World, set right after Thor tells ‘Odin’ that she is going to return to Midgard to be with Jane. Then, curtain on evil Loki smirk – and can I just say that the transition from melancholy to ominous in the final measures of the song is further proof in my brain that the creators of Frozen wanted a Thor-rewrite all along? Because it couldn’t be more perfect for that ending.

The complete set of Thor: The Frozen World songs can be found here.

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WordPress doesn’t seem to play well with Macs, so if you can’t play these files, I’m sorry! Maybe try another device? If you are on an iPhone, Blackberry, PC, or something else, and they still won’t play … I just don’t know. I’m working on making youtube videos for everything.

DO YOU WANT TO GO EXPLORING?

5-year-old Thor:
Loki?
Do you want to go exploring?
Come on, let’s go and play!
I found a super scary cave
It might be a grave
Let’s go see it today

We’ll always be best buddies
No matter what
I promise I’ll be by your side
Do you want to go exploring?
If you’re too scared to go exploring …

5-year-old Loki:
[spoken] I am not, and you know it, Thor!

5-year-old Thor:
[spoken] It worked, didn’t it? Come on, hurry up!

10-year-old Thor:
Do you want to go exploring
Or catch some fish down in the brook?
I think some sparring might be overdue
Before you fall into the pages of your book
[spoken] What does that even say?

I promise if you come out
Then when we return
We’ll do whatever you want to do!
[Wooden swords clacking]

16-year-old Thor
Loki?
Please, I know you’re in there
Will you open up the door?
They say “Don’t trust her”
But I don’t agree!
I wish you’d talk to me
Just let me in

You’ll always be my sister
No matter what
I just wish you wouldn’t lie
Do you want to go exploring…?

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DO YOU WANT TO GO EXPLORING?, REPRISE

Thor:
Father
Please, I cannot stay here
I leave for Midgard with the dawn
I forgot how much I needed her
The way we were
And now she’s gone

I’ll always protect Asgard
But not as Queen
If I ruled my heart would grow hard
For now, I want to go exploring

Loki:
Goodbye

10 shower curtains not even a geek could love

I know. It has been inexcusably long since I last posted. I have excuses (don’t hold your breath, they aren’t very good ones). First of all, I have been working on about six different musical projects, five of which are going to be done in the next month and a half, so at least I’m coming out of hiding with a bang. Second, as some of you know, I got a job at the University of Sheffield and will be moving to the UK in a month, so I’ve been dealing with the never-ending ‘excitement’ of the UK Visa department (Motto: Confusing more Americans every year than the IRS!)

One of the fantastic side effects of this move is that because everything in the UK is way more expensive than in the US, I have the best excuse ever to shop for all sorts of random nonsense NOW. This is why a few nights ago, instead of doing anything at all productive or valuable to either myself or society, I threw on Pulp Fiction and went online shopping for shower curtains. About 20 minutes in, I got fed up with shrubbery, ugly birds, geometric shapes and on a whim, I image searched “nerdy shower curtains.”

Wow. I now know that Cafe Press will put anything on a shower curtain. Seriously, it was the shopping equivalent of Glee – I kept trying to stop, but with every episode click, they just got weirder and less believable. 3 hours of wtf-ery later, I can now present a collection of 10 shower curtains that someone, somewhere, actually decided were sound business investments. There are so many more candidates, but I had to cut myself off. Plus my movie ended. And I ran out of beer. It was the perfect storm of bed-time, really.

Disclaimer: If you own one of these shower curtains, or want to, then (and I say this as someone who non-ironically owns a set of ninja-turtles-in-Star-Trek-uniforms action figures) we need to have a serious heart-to-heart about your interior decorating strategy.

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(1) Shower curtains with completely random quotes.

In theory, there’s nothing wrong with a quote on a shower curtain. That said, this is something you – and possibly guests – are going to look at multiple times every day. It should probably be generally meaningful or at least iconic, right?

Wrong. For some reason, there is a quote shower curtain for seemingly every single Star Trek character, even if they weren’t in the main cast. This is REALLY good news for the (one) fan who just can’t start the day without Kai Opaka informing them that their pah is strong, but for those of you who are currently wondering who Kai Opaka is, it’s because she only appears in two episodes total.

There were so many good options to choose from in this series, but here is my favorite:

WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS BATHROOM THAT MAKES THIS APPLICABLE?!

WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS BATHROOM THAT MAKES THIS APPLICABLE?!

The quotes aren’t just confined to Star Trek characters though. No, no. Here is one of the strangest conflations between a character and the actor’s internet persona (from over 20 years later) that I have ever seen:

I guess this is meant to inspire dudes to not pee on the toilet seat?

I guess this is meant to inspire dudes to not pee on the toilet seat?

For some reason, odd quotes were mostly limited to the Star Trek universe. However … there was also the following –

Tony Stark: Encouraging nerds to be 24-7 antisocial workaholics since 1963.

Tony Stark: Encouraging nerds to work 24-7, even in the shower, since 1963.

Allow me a moment to compile a list of the absolute worst places to be when the Iron Man suit flies through the air to attach to your body. Hmm … yep, okay: naked in the shower is definitely at the top.

Finally, there’s this gem. I do have to give credit where credit is due; this is, at least, one of the character’s more notable quotes:

Do I really need to specify why this is hilariously inappropriate in a bathroom setting?

Do I really need to specify why this is hilariously inappropriate in a bathroom setting?

Heheheheh.

(2) Shower curtains that awkwardly feature real people.

There are a lot of superhero shower curtains. Not a shock, eh? I don’t think I would want one, but I can at least understand how someone could think that having Iron Man flying around in their bathroom would be cool.

BECAUSE HE WEARS A MASK.

People. It is one thing to have cartoon characters staring at you while you shower. It is an entirely different thing to have realistic images of real people creepily watching you.

Well, if THIS doesn't convince you that Twilight is an epic romance with absolutely no stalking or unhealthy emotional manipulation, I don't know WHAT will!

Well, if THIS doesn’t convince you that Twilight is an epic romance with absolutely no stalking, I don’t know WHAT will!

Seriously, these things make me uncomfortable. I talk to myself in the shower enough without feeling like some random person I’ve never met is angrily judging me. I HAVEN’T HAD COFFEE YET, OKAY ROBERT?!

It’s no less awkward with any other celebrity, either:

This is the face of a woman who knows you don't floss as often as your dentist told you to.

Scarlet Johansson is watching, and she knows you don’t floss as often as your dentist told you to.

Then there’s this one. Setting aside Chris Hemsworth for a moment, can I question the wisdom of having a guy who calls LIGHTNING anywhere near your shower?

Double points for this one because it also has a quote from Odin. Thor doesn't even get a shower curtain to himself, take THAT, daddy issues!

Double points for this one because it also has a quote from Odin. Thor doesn’t even get a shower curtain to himself, take THAT, daddy issues!

Oh boy, though, the dubious honor for largest number of scary, staring shower curtains goes to Loki, and by extension, Tom Hiddleston.

No. Just ... no. The last thing I need in the morning is more rage. Really, stop looking at me like that. GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM HIDDLESTON!

No. Just … no. The last thing I need in the morning is more rage. Really, stop looking at me like that. GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM HIDDLESTON!

So we’re done now, aren’t we? Oh, I guess there’s also this Sherlock one with Benedict Cumberbatch and Andr–

AHHHHHHHHHHH! WHY ARE THERE RED EYES?! I'm sorry Tom! Bring back your rage, I swear I trust it now!

AHHHHHHHHHHH! WHY IS HIS EYE RED?! I’m sorry Tom! Bring back your rage, I swear I trust it now!

Why? Why would you ever put that in your bathroom? Do you WANT to have a heart attack at 3am when you forget you bought it and catch a glimpse of the scary split-head man with one red eye who is lurking in your shower?!

Those of you who have spent more than two minutes on the internet in the past year won’t be surprised at the interesting ‘trend’ in the creepy real-person shower curtains. With the exception of Scarlet Johansson, they’re all young, attractive, white, male actors with overwhelming fan bases and accents (this last part is the only justification I have for the mysterious exclusion of Chris Evans). This is a similar group to what you find on those epically creepy full body pillows (Although to be 100% honest, some are clever as well as creepy – I am woman enough to admit that the Phil Coulson one made me laugh so hard that I did a bona fide spit take).

Anyway, I digress. The point is, I thought the actors featured on these products formed a pretty clearly defined group, until I stumbled upon:

(3) Shower curtains with Bill Murray.

These shower curtains almost don’t belong on this list because they have transcended some crucial level of strangeness to come all the way back around to incredible.

...

I have nothing to say here. This shower curtain has actually shorted out my ability to be snarky. Why does it exist? Does Bill Murray know? Does he OWN one?

Here’s the best part: THERE’S AN ENTIRE SERIES OF THESE GLORIOUS MASTERPIECES. So far it seems like Society 6 has the … monopoly, I suppose? on this market, but if you find others, please let me know in the comments.

Because I might need to buy one.

Let it go

This Week:

Dear “Dad”,

Suck it.

Hate Always,

Loki

PS-You too, Thor.

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Well here goes. Let it Go. There are many, many versions of this song, but Loki’s is a bit…angrier. Despite rampant fan speculation, we have no concrete idea of what happened to movie-Loki during the year between the end of Thor and the beginning of Avengers, including how he aligned with the Chitauri and Thanos, and what happened to make him show up on Earth looking like Mr. Roadkill Raccoon and acting less like an extremely intelligent super-villain-with-a-plan and more like a sleep deprived heroin junkie.

See? Clearly nothing went wrong here. Nothing at all.

See? Clearly nothing went wrong here. Nothing at all.

My dearest Marvel: I am thrilled that you have movies planned out to 2028, and I have complete faith that one of those 14 YEARS of films will explain what happened off-screen to your (by far) best villain to date to cause such a shift in behavior. Also, while we’re chatting, how exactly did he get a new outfit while floating around in space? Is Thanos an armor designer with a zipper fetish? Please say Thanos is an armor designer with a zipper fetish. Anyway, back to Princess Loki. In The Frozen World, ‘Let it go’ is the bridge (ha, pun intended) between that mysterious time period and Loki’s arrival on Earth. The first two verses are set on the Chitauri homeworld (or wherever she landed after falling). Starting with the second chorus, Loki arrives to Earth and wreaks havoc at SHIELD and in Stuttgart. (The complete set of Thor: The Frozen World songs is here) ===============================
LET IT GO mp3

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If one or both of the song files are not playing on your device, please let me know! Apparently a lot of people can’t play the files, so I uploaded a lyrics video to youtube:

 

Loki

The stars burn bright in this desolate night
Not a person to be seen
A kingdom of devastation,
and it looks like I’m the queen

The wind is howling
like this monster deep inside
Couldn’t keep it in;
though I know you tried

It’s finally clear, my legacy
The shadow’s where you wanted me to be
You lie, deny, won’t let me know
Well now I know

Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold me back anymore
Let it go, let it go
I am through coming second to Thor
I don’t care what they’re going to say
Let the storm begin
The cold never bothered me anyway

It’s funny how some distance
makes everything seem small
and the shame that once controlled me
can’t get to me at all

I’ll finally prove what I can do
I’ll test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me I’m free

Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and say goodbye
Let it go, let it go
My whole life was a lie
Here I stand and here I stay
Let the storm begin

I bring you chaos
like you’ve never known before
Come, kneel before me –
give up your pointless freedom, endless war
I see my path unfolding,
now the die is cast
I’m never going back,
the past is in the past

Let it go, let it go
They’re better off with me gone
Let it go, let it go
I am done playing the pawn
Here I stand – I’m not going away
Let the storm begin
The cold never bothered me anyway

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Next Week: Loki and Thor battle during the Chitauri invasion of Earth, which is about the only thing that happens in this musical from Avengers, so blink and you’ll miss it!

I just can’t wait to be queen!

This week: Back to childhood, when everything was love, fluff, and baby bilgesnipes for our two hero(ine)s (at least in comparison to trying to kill, maim and/or imprison each other)!

First of all, my friend Patrick painted an awesome picture of Princess Thor and Loki for me! This is the first official fan art for Thor: The Frozen World. Congrats Pat! You get free tickets to the show if it ever happens.
Thor and Loki painting

I am skipping BACK to song number 2 of the musical, which is set immediately following the scene in the weapons vault, when Thor and Loki are children. The song is based on ‘I just can’t wait to be king,’ which is of course from The Lion King instead of Frozen, but how can you possibly write a fake Disney musical based on the Thor franchise and not have tiny Thor and Loki singing this song? Seriously, try it. I challenge you.

Plus, tiny Loki is singing both Zazu and Nala’s parts, and the adorableness…I can’t even handle it. Patronizing authority figure meets loveable side kick? This combo 100% sums up child Loki for me.

One note on the lyrics: Since this musical is a choose-your-own-gender adventure, I had to decide on a song-by-song basis whether to develop a rhyming scheme around ‘king’ or ‘queen.’ I elected to respect the source material, so throughout this song there are places where ‘queen’ is only a near rhyme. I lost a mild amount of sleep over that, but moved on.

The complete set of Thor: The Frozen World songs can be found here.
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I JUST CAN’T WAIT TO BE QUEEN

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Thor
I’m gonna be a mighty queen
my enemies all slain

Loki
Plus you’d be the first to rule with only half a brain

Thor
I’m gonna be the queen who reigns/rains
like no one did before
with Mjolnir I can reach the sky
and settle every score

Loki
You know, Thor, hitting won’t solve everything

Thor
I just can’t wait to be queen!

Come on, Loki!
No one saying hit this
No one saying fight fair

Loki
No one saying no tricks

Both
No one saying stay here

Thor
Free to run around all day

Loki
Free to do it all my way!

Thor
Or my way!

Loki
Your way is usually unnecessarily violent and exceedingly boring.

Thor
And leads to less trouble!

Loki
Oh does it? And what about that time when—no, Thor, no!

Thor
Loki!

Loki
You always fall for that.

Thor
Heh, do I?

Loki
Stop it! Put me down, Thor!

Don’t you think the ruler of the nine realms should be smart?

Thor
Queens don’t need advice from little sisters for a start!

Loki
Fine! If stupid oafs like you get to be queen
then count me out!
I’ll leave Asgard, and the nine realms—

Thor
Loki, please don’t pout.
I didn’t mean to spoil anything.
It’s just— I just can’t wait to be queen!
You know we’ll do it all together

Loki
You say that now…

Thor
Whatever happens. I promise!

musical interlude

Thor
Everybody look left

Loki
Everybody look right

Thor
Everywhere you look I’m standing in the spotlight!

Loki
Not me…

All
We’ll cast a spell to make the nine realms sing
The branches of Yggdrasil’ll bloom like spring
We’re gonna be the best Asgard can bring

Thor
I just can’t wait to be queen

Loki
I just can’t wait to be queen

Both
We just can’t wait…to be queen!

Next Week: Adventures on Midgard! Thor and Jane fall in love (over a single weekend)! Darcy is…a slightly more PG 13 version of Olaf the jazzy snowman!  

Forever reprise & Endless Night

Today: Thor almost became queen of the nine realms, but…didn’t. Then, she was banished, stripped of her powers, and told her father was dead. This has not been a stellar day for Thor, really.

The music editing went a bit more smoothly this week. Because I got better, you ask? Haha, no. The strange, buzzy alien high notes are still there despite my best efforts. I just decided to take a page from the Samuel L. Jackson Rulebook of Zen Intergalactic Diplomacy: “You stay up there above the staff, behave yourselves, and we’re cool. But you come down here below F, start breaking new sh#t? I’ll send you on a vacation to Tahiti you won’t come back from. Capisce?* Good. Welcome to the planet, motherf%^#ers.”

A pretty timely attitude shift, since Thor’s about to get her own warm Midgard welcome, Clark Gregg style. Song #4 of TFW takes place while Thor is being held for questioning in SHIELD’s impromptu what-the-hell-is-this-electromagnetic-hammer-from-the-sky facility. It begins immediately after Loki arrives and lies to her about Odin’s death and extends through Loki’s failed attempt at Mjolnir worthiness** and return to Asgard. This song, a reprise of the end of ‘For the first time in forever,’ technically does not appear in Frozen.

Song #5 is based on ‘Endless Night,’ from the Broadway version of The Lion King, and does not have a perfect scene correlate in the movies. It takes place sometime after Thor has been sprung from the SHIELD facility, and sometime before the scene with Jane on the roof of–whatever they were on the roof of. Her trailer? Don’t I remember them having a fire up there? That seems perfectly safe! Carry on, you crazy lovebirds.

A complete song list for Thor: The Frozen World can be found here.

*Al Pacino also helped develop this rulebook, because of course he did. On a related note, can you imagine how fantastic an action movie starring these two would be? (Sea of Love doesn’t count). I don’t care what genre: buddy cop, spy versus spy, documentary…I would see it in theatres 1 million times. Make this happen, Hollywood.
**I love how Loki cannot catch a break. Ever. I mean, sure, this is definitely not the most worthy moment of his entire existence, but sometimes I think that Kenneth Branagh and Joss Whedon must have gone out for beers to brainstorm all the creative ways they could show this character getting screwed over, and about 4 pints in, one of them (Whedon) said, “You know what? I’m trashed. Let’s just put them all in.”
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TFW Song 4: Forever reprise

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Thor
I’m such a fool, I didn’t see
I’m not the queen Asgard needs me to be
Sister don’t leave, please do not go
Just ask mother – she’ll take me back, I know

Loki
She said you must stay here

Thor
She said I must stay here?

Loki
I’m sorry sister dear

Thor
Sister don’t leave me here

Loki
I must return to watch over the throne

Thor
-the throne!

(Loki/Thor simultaneously)
Loki
For the first time in forever
I have what I’ve dreamed of since birth
A chance to make my family proud
A chance to prove my worth

Thor
I’m such a fool, what have I done?
I had it all and now I have no one
Father… father, mother, how could I know?

Loki
And I know it might end tomorrow
So it has to be today!
But for the first time in forever
For the first time in forever
Nothing’s in my way!

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TFW Song 5: Endless Night
Because Loki doesn’t have a monopoly on angst

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If one or both of the songs files are not playing on your device, please let me know!

Thor
Where has the starlight gone
Dark is the day
How can I find my way home?
Home is an empty dream
Lost to the night
Sister, I feel so alone

I promised I’d be there
Whenever you needed me
But now if you needed me
I can’t do anything

I’m trying to hold on
Though I know not what I should do
How can I redeem myself
and end this nightmare

When will the dawning break
Oh endless night
Sleepless I dream of the day
When we stood side by side
Forging our path
Sister I can’t find the way

I promised I’d be there
Whenever you needed me
But now if you needed me
I can’t do anything

I’m trying to hold on
Though I know not what I should do
How can I redeem myself
and end this nightmare

Chorus
I know that the night must end
And then the sun will rise
I know that the clouds must clear
And that the sun will shine

Thor
I know that the night must end
And then the sun will rise
I know that the clouds must clear
Because the storm is mine

I know, yes I know the sun will rise
Yes I know, I know the clouds must clear
I know that the night must end
I know that the sun will rise
And I’ll find my strength deep inside
I know that the night must end
And that the clouds must clear
Oh, the storm, the storm is mine
The storm, the storm is mine!

Next week: I am taking a hiatus for visiting family, so there will be no new Thor:TFW songs. There will be a different song though, so check back!