Do you want to go exploring?

This week: Thor and Loki have some sisterly feels, and the internet rejoices, because there is nothing the internet loves more than feels (except, of course, kittens).

Mild spoilers for Thor: The Dark World, and … Norse Mythology, should you be really concerned about that.

========================================

Song 10: Do you want to go exploring?
Other people have come with some seriously funny parody options for this song, including: Do you want to kill some Frost Giants?, Do you want to hunt a bilgesnipe?, Do you want to dethrone Odin?, Do you want to destroy Midgard? … man, Thor and Loki are pretty violent Disney princesses, aren’t they?

I went in a slightly more sappy direction. Just like ‘Do you want to build a snowman?’ in Frozen, ‘Do you want to go exploring?’ is the exposition of how Thor and Loki’s relationship gets to the conflicted place seen at the beginning of the story.

Unlike Frozen, though, the song is at the end of the musical, in a flashback set immediately after Thor comes to Loki in prison and asks for help destroying the Aether. This is the point where Thor claims that s/he no longer views Loki as a sister/brother, and for anyone who still thinks that “superhero movies are poorly written and the actors don’t even try” – false. Look no further than this scene, which is a wonderful example of thoughtful, subtle character development in a screenplay (of any genre), and a great showcase of Chris Hemsworth’s acting ability.

A lot of the events in the song happen silently during the musical interlude, which makes understanding it a bit tricky without a visual, so here is what’s going on: The long instrumental interlude is this musical’s take on the ‘Loki steals Sif’s golden hair’ story, and verse 3 is in immediate response to that.

Song 11: Do you want to go exploring reprise
Frozen didn’t have a reprise for ‘Do you want to build a snowman?’ which is a crying shame, because that would have been perfect for sad-Elsa, all alone up in her fortress of icy doom.

This song is the final scene of Thor: The Frozen World, set right after Thor tells ‘Odin’ that she is going to return to Midgard to be with Jane. Then, curtain on evil Loki smirk – and can I just say that the transition from melancholy to ominous in the final measures of the song is further proof in my brain that the creators of Frozen wanted a Thor-rewrite all along? Because it couldn’t be more perfect for that ending.

The complete set of Thor: The Frozen World songs can be found here.

========================================

WordPress doesn’t seem to play well with Macs, so if you can’t play these files, I’m sorry! Maybe try another device? If you are on an iPhone, Blackberry, PC, or something else, and they still won’t play … I just don’t know. I’m working on making youtube videos for everything.

DO YOU WANT TO GO EXPLORING?

5-year-old Thor:
Loki?
Do you want to go exploring?
Come on, let’s go and play!
I found a super scary cave
It might be a grave
Let’s go see it today

We’ll always be best buddies
No matter what
I promise I’ll be by your side
Do you want to go exploring?
If you’re too scared to go exploring …

5-year-old Loki:
[spoken] I am not, and you know it, Thor!

5-year-old Thor:
[spoken] It worked, didn’t it? Come on, hurry up!

10-year-old Thor:
Do you want to go exploring
Or catch some fish down in the brook?
I think some sparring might be overdue
Before you fall into the pages of your book
[spoken] What does that even say?

I promise if you come out
Then when we return
We’ll do whatever you want to do!
[Wooden swords clacking]

16-year-old Thor
Loki?
Please, I know you’re in there
Will you open up the door?
They say “Don’t trust her”
But I don’t agree!
I wish you’d talk to me
Just let me in

You’ll always be my sister
No matter what
I just wish you wouldn’t lie
Do you want to go exploring…?

========================================
DO YOU WANT TO GO EXPLORING?, REPRISE

Thor:
Father
Please, I cannot stay here
I leave for Midgard with the dawn
I forgot how much I needed her
The way we were
And now she’s gone

I’ll always protect Asgard
But not as Queen
If I ruled my heart would grow hard
For now, I want to go exploring

Loki:
Goodbye

My musical doesn’t sound so crazy NOW, does it?! (Or: I am the oracle Marvel deserves, but not the one that — nope, screw that, call me, Marvel, call me … maybe?)

Happy Sunday, world. This has been a pretty amazing week of amazingness:

(1) My hero Weird Al not only released a new album, but it contained this absolute gem of a song, devoted to grammar.
(Obligatory linguist comment: Yes, as a syntactician, my professional view on prescriptive grammar rules is that they are obsolete and don’t adequately define the natural use of human language. But I don’t care. This song is hilarious and I’ll not apologize for already having it memorized).

(2) I spent several hours researching weird shower curtains. What does that have to do with music? Nothing at all. This blog has gone geek-rogue, people.

Last, but the complete opposite of least:
(3) Marvel announced that starting in the next major Thor story arc, Thor will be female.

There probably are not enough exclamation points in the world to communicate how excited I am about this, but let me try:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

An accurate depiction of my face when I heard the news. Also an accurate depiction of my skills drawing in Paint.

An accurate depiction of my face when I heard the news. Also an accurate depiction of my skills drawing in Paint.

And, to the – no exaggeration – 14 different people who texted, emailed, or facebooked me within 5 hours of the announcement: I am (inexplicably) not yet in charge of Valhalla, but should I ever be, you are guaranteed entry.

The new Thor is not a reboot. Instead, old Thor will somehow become unworthy of Mjolnir, which then passes on to a new female character, along with his … name? title? I have to be honest, it is a little unclear to me how a random person can become Thor. Is Thor a position now, like President, Captain America, or Chief Ice Cream Taster? Can one study to become a Thor, because if so, I did college very, very wrong.

Another curious issue is what happens to old Thor – Does he hang around and start going by a new name like “Bob” or “the-demigod-formerly-known-as-Thor,” or does he disappear off to the tropics to oil his insanely large muscles in obscurity? I personally think that Billy-Bob Thorton goes to Tahiti would make a fantastic spin-off series (Loki would of course be the sassy cabana-boy nemesis who puts itching powder in Bob’s towel and occasionally terrorizes the tourists as a shark). Sadly, I’ve heard that old Thor will not only stick around, but will still be called Thor because that’s his birthname (Ah, I see. It’s a name AND a title! So when I complete my degree in Norse-Godliness, and then legally change my name to Thor, I can be known as Thor the Thor. Fantastic).

The most pressing question for me, though, is whether becoming Thor, Goddess of Thunder means that the new lady also becomes Odin’s daughter. If that’s the case … honey, I am so, SO sorry. And, uh, while we’re chatting, have you met your new brother yet? Why do I ask? No reason … you know what, maybe just start therapy now, okay?

In all seriousness though, unlike many people on the internet, I’m not actually worried about any of these things. I am enjoying Jason Aaron’s run with Thor, and I think he’s going to take this story in a creative, exciting direction. The only thing that could make it better is if they had found a way to make Loki female too, but alas, the premise seems to rule that out (for any new visitors, here are my reasons for wanting a female Loki, and no, Lady Loki does not count).

Anyways, bravo, Marvel, bravo! Now, any interest in making a plucky female Thor musical? I might know someone.

Let it go

This Week:

Dear “Dad”,

Suck it.

Hate Always,

Loki

PS-You too, Thor.

===============================

Well here goes. Let it Go. There are many, many versions of this song, but Loki’s is a bit…angrier. Despite rampant fan speculation, we have no concrete idea of what happened to movie-Loki during the year between the end of Thor and the beginning of Avengers, including how he aligned with the Chitauri and Thanos, and what happened to make him show up on Earth looking like Mr. Roadkill Raccoon and acting less like an extremely intelligent super-villain-with-a-plan and more like a sleep deprived heroin junkie.

See? Clearly nothing went wrong here. Nothing at all.

See? Clearly nothing went wrong here. Nothing at all.

My dearest Marvel: I am thrilled that you have movies planned out to 2028, and I have complete faith that one of those 14 YEARS of films will explain what happened off-screen to your (by far) best villain to date to cause such a shift in behavior. Also, while we’re chatting, how exactly did he get a new outfit while floating around in space? Is Thanos an armor designer with a zipper fetish? Please say Thanos is an armor designer with a zipper fetish. Anyway, back to Princess Loki. In The Frozen World, ‘Let it go’ is the bridge (ha, pun intended) between that mysterious time period and Loki’s arrival on Earth. The first two verses are set on the Chitauri homeworld (or wherever she landed after falling). Starting with the second chorus, Loki arrives to Earth and wreaks havoc at SHIELD and in Stuttgart. (The complete set of Thor: The Frozen World songs is here) ===============================
LET IT GO mp3

wav

If one or both of the song files are not playing on your device, please let me know! Apparently a lot of people can’t play the files, so I uploaded a lyrics video to youtube:

 

Loki

The stars burn bright in this desolate night
Not a person to be seen
A kingdom of devastation,
and it looks like I’m the queen

The wind is howling
like this monster deep inside
Couldn’t keep it in;
though I know you tried

It’s finally clear, my legacy
The shadow’s where you wanted me to be
You lie, deny, won’t let me know
Well now I know

Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold me back anymore
Let it go, let it go
I am through coming second to Thor
I don’t care what they’re going to say
Let the storm begin
The cold never bothered me anyway

It’s funny how some distance
makes everything seem small
and the shame that once controlled me
can’t get to me at all

I’ll finally prove what I can do
I’ll test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me I’m free

Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and say goodbye
Let it go, let it go
My whole life was a lie
Here I stand and here I stay
Let the storm begin

I bring you chaos
like you’ve never known before
Come, kneel before me –
give up your pointless freedom, endless war
I see my path unfolding,
now the die is cast
I’m never going back,
the past is in the past

Let it go, let it go
They’re better off with me gone
Let it go, let it go
I am done playing the pawn
Here I stand – I’m not going away
Let the storm begin
The cold never bothered me anyway

===============================
Next Week: Loki and Thor battle during the Chitauri invasion of Earth, which is about the only thing that happens in this musical from Avengers, so blink and you’ll miss it!

Love is an bifrost door

This Week: Thor and Jane fall in love. That’s right, everyone, as of right now, Thor: The Frozen World is a superhero-princess-lesbian musical adventure. This is an epic genre, including timeless classics like BtVS: Once More with Feeling, and…

Well… It’s also a selective genre, okay?

This song takes place when Jane and Thor are talking on the roof about the realms and the bifrost, and can I just say that these two do not get nearly enough flak for falling in love over what is basically a long weekend? I mean, look Jane, I understand that Thor has muscles that completely defy mortal logic, but darling, he was passed out and/or acted like a neanderthal jerk for two whole days out of your…three days of knowing him, and you pined over him for two years?

And Thor! You’re what, 1500 years old? Shouldn’t you know better by now? You know what, I’ll let Elsa/Loki say it for me:

Woman you just met
In my musical, this exchange would definitely happen during the final bifrost fight scene.

Complete set of Thor: The Frozen World songs can be found here.

wav

 
mp3

If the song will not play for you, please let me know!

LOVE IS AN OPEN DOOR

Jane: Can I say something crazy?

Thor: Midgardians seem wont to do so.

Jane: All my life people have told me my head’s up in space,
And then suddenly I run into you

Thor: Twice
Jane: I’m so sorry!
Thor: Fret not, Lady Jane

Thor: I’ve struggled for so long to live up to my place
And maybe it’s the coffee talking, or a change in world view

Both: But with you,
Thor: I’ve a new place
Jane: I’ve found my space
Both: And it’s nothing like I’ve ever known before

Love is an bifrost door (x3)
With you (x4)
Love is an bifrost door

Jane: I mean it’s crazy
Thor: What?
Jane: You’re nothing like other-
Thor: Warriors!
Jane: Not what I was thinking…
Both: I’ve never met someone with so much to teach me

Thor Another! Just kidding

Both: This cosmic expatriation
Jane: May change all my calculations
Thor: May come to be my salvation
Both: You and I were just meant to meet!
Say goodbye to the pain of the past
We don’t have to feel it anymore

Love is an bifrost door (x2)
Life can be so much more
With you (x4)
Love is an bifrost door

Thor: Much like the bifrost!
Jane: Yeah about that, I wanted to ask–how do you keep it stable? You’d have to have some sort of highly conductive metal sphereoid, right?
Thor: What?

Next Week: Next week’s update is happening on Friday. Why? We’ve finally gotten to Loki’s songs, including ‘Let it Go’! So, in honor of everyone’s favorite intergalactic mama’s boy, screw stupid Thor and his stupid day, we’re posting on Frigga’s day.

I just can’t wait to be queen!

This week: Back to childhood, when everything was love, fluff, and baby bilgesnipes for our two hero(ine)s (at least in comparison to trying to kill, maim and/or imprison each other)!

First of all, my friend Patrick painted an awesome picture of Princess Thor and Loki for me! This is the first official fan art for Thor: The Frozen World. Congrats Pat! You get free tickets to the show if it ever happens.
Thor and Loki painting

I am skipping BACK to song number 2 of the musical, which is set immediately following the scene in the weapons vault, when Thor and Loki are children. The song is based on ‘I just can’t wait to be king,’ which is of course from The Lion King instead of Frozen, but how can you possibly write a fake Disney musical based on the Thor franchise and not have tiny Thor and Loki singing this song? Seriously, try it. I challenge you.

Plus, tiny Loki is singing both Zazu and Nala’s parts, and the adorableness…I can’t even handle it. Patronizing authority figure meets loveable side kick? This combo 100% sums up child Loki for me.

One note on the lyrics: Since this musical is a choose-your-own-gender adventure, I had to decide on a song-by-song basis whether to develop a rhyming scheme around ‘king’ or ‘queen.’ I elected to respect the source material, so throughout this song there are places where ‘queen’ is only a near rhyme. I lost a mild amount of sleep over that, but moved on.

The complete set of Thor: The Frozen World songs can be found here.
=============================================

I JUST CAN’T WAIT TO BE QUEEN

mp3

wav

If one or both of the songs files are not playing on your device, please let me know!

Thor
I’m gonna be a mighty queen
my enemies all slain

Loki
Plus you’d be the first to rule with only half a brain

Thor
I’m gonna be the queen who reigns/rains
like no one did before
with Mjolnir I can reach the sky
and settle every score

Loki
You know, Thor, hitting won’t solve everything

Thor
I just can’t wait to be queen!

Come on, Loki!
No one saying hit this
No one saying fight fair

Loki
No one saying no tricks

Both
No one saying stay here

Thor
Free to run around all day

Loki
Free to do it all my way!

Thor
Or my way!

Loki
Your way is usually unnecessarily violent and exceedingly boring.

Thor
And leads to less trouble!

Loki
Oh does it? And what about that time when—no, Thor, no!

Thor
Loki!

Loki
You always fall for that.

Thor
Heh, do I?

Loki
Stop it! Put me down, Thor!

Don’t you think the ruler of the nine realms should be smart?

Thor
Queens don’t need advice from little sisters for a start!

Loki
Fine! If stupid oafs like you get to be queen
then count me out!
I’ll leave Asgard, and the nine realms—

Thor
Loki, please don’t pout.
I didn’t mean to spoil anything.
It’s just— I just can’t wait to be queen!
You know we’ll do it all together

Loki
You say that now…

Thor
Whatever happens. I promise!

musical interlude

Thor
Everybody look left

Loki
Everybody look right

Thor
Everywhere you look I’m standing in the spotlight!

Loki
Not me…

All
We’ll cast a spell to make the nine realms sing
The branches of Yggdrasil’ll bloom like spring
We’re gonna be the best Asgard can bring

Thor
I just can’t wait to be queen

Loki
I just can’t wait to be queen

Both
We just can’t wait…to be queen!

Next Week: Adventures on Midgard! Thor and Jane fall in love (over a single weekend)! Darcy is…a slightly more PG 13 version of Olaf the jazzy snowman!  

Not your average Thor review

As I mentioned in the last post, I had family visiting for the past week; namely, my incomparable mother.

About 45 minutes after her plane landed, we were waiting to be seated at a restaurant, and my mother turned to me and frowned. Deeply. “I watched Thor on the plane,” she announced.

Let me tell you something about my mother: she does not like superhero movies. She doesn’t, as far as I can tell, really like movies, period.

“Oh?” I replied as mildly as I could manage. “What did you think then?”

There was a long pause, during which I – valiantly – succeeded in not laughing at the succession of facial contortions my mother was making as she thought.

“It was so violent! That one guy in the cape kept hitting everything with his hammer, and his brother, the cranky one in the jail cell–”

“Wait a minute. Jail cell? Mom, did you watch Thor 2 on accident? That had to have been fairly confusing.”

“I guess so. Well, I watched the first hour, then I fell asleep. It didn’t make any sense. But I tried, because I wanted to understand your songs.”

Ladies and gentlemen, that is motherly love, right there. Plus, I have to hand it to her– “Thor is violent and Loki is cranky” is actually a pretty good first approximation synopsis of the franchise.

I swear that I had not intended to make her watch Thor, but I couldn’t leave her in a state of plot confusion based on watching only the first half of the second movie. So, we watched it together, and…I took notes on her running commentary. I hope you laugh as hard as I did.

=======
The plot

  • (Alaskans can empathize with the frost giants) “Sometimes living in a cold hell-hole makes me want to kill a bunch of people, too.”
  • “Who are all of these people and why are they all wearing the same armor? The only ones I can tell apart are the fat one and the one with the horns.”
  • “Wait, did Odin just die in order to avoid Loki’s question?”
  • (The beginnings of an excellent prediction gone so, so wrong) “Loki won’t let them [Frost Giants] actually kill Odin. At the last minute, his heart will grow three sizes like the Grinch and he’ll turn good.”
  • (The Destroyer shows up) “What the hell is that and where has it been this whole movie?”
  • The acting

  • (Subconsciously realizing that Chris Hemsworth is Australian) “He looks like one of those Thunder from Down Under men!”
  • (Has clearly never seen Tom Hiddleston in an interview) “I have a really hard time imagining the guy who plays Loki dancing around and singing.”
  • (A bit later) “I’m having a lot of fun imagining these two in dresses.”
  • Asgard is completely screwed

  • Mom: “He just tricked his brother into getting banished?”
    Me: “Well yes, but it was -sort of- by accident. He’s at least correct that Thor would be a terrible ruler.”
    Mom: “Would Loki be any better?! Or for that matter, Odin? The mom would be completely justified in locking all three of them up and ruling this place herself.”
  • “There aren’t enough synonyms for dysfunctional to describe this family.”
  • “Odin should never have been allowed to procreate. Or take anyone else’s kid. Or be around children…ever.”
  • Mom: “He [Loki] shouldn’t be king, he should be locked away in a psychiatric ward! Although it would be a shame if they didn’t allow women to visit.”
  • My mother, the romantic

  • (Thor and Jane are outside the SHIELD facility) “Is he going to kiss her now? They just met!”
  • (Thor and Jane are on the roof) “Are they making out?”
  • (The Destroyer hits Thor) “Is he dead? But they never kissed!”
  • (Thor and Jane finally kiss) “There’s no way he’s going to come back now.”
  • Final verdict
    After the movie was over, I asked my mother if she would take a stab at describing the plot for someone who had never seen the movie. She huffed and gave me a decidedly suffering do-I-really-have-to? face. And yes, yes, she did.

    “Okay… There are two brothers, except one is a tiny secret alien. Then there is their complete jerk of a father, who told both of them they could be king even though he never meant it. Then the non-alien brother gets banished to Earth and he should have stayed here because he fell in love with a girl 15 minutes after meeting her, but NO! He has to say “I’ll come back for you” and you know whenever anyone says that they won’t come back, but he flounces back home anyway and somehow his showing up magically fixes everything including stopping the alien brother from doing…something bad, and waking his dad up from his coma. He destroys the bridge so he’ll never be able to see his girlfriend again, except he barely knew her anyway so who cares? The end.”

    And there you have it. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

    Forever reprise & Endless Night

    Today: Thor almost became queen of the nine realms, but…didn’t. Then, she was banished, stripped of her powers, and told her father was dead. This has not been a stellar day for Thor, really.

    The music editing went a bit more smoothly this week. Because I got better, you ask? Haha, no. The strange, buzzy alien high notes are still there despite my best efforts. I just decided to take a page from the Samuel L. Jackson Rulebook of Zen Intergalactic Diplomacy: “You stay up there above the staff, behave yourselves, and we’re cool. But you come down here below F, start breaking new sh#t? I’ll send you on a vacation to Tahiti you won’t come back from. Capisce?* Good. Welcome to the planet, motherf%^#ers.”

    A pretty timely attitude shift, since Thor’s about to get her own warm Midgard welcome, Clark Gregg style. Song #4 of TFW takes place while Thor is being held for questioning in SHIELD’s impromptu what-the-hell-is-this-electromagnetic-hammer-from-the-sky facility. It begins immediately after Loki arrives and lies to her about Odin’s death and extends through Loki’s failed attempt at Mjolnir worthiness** and return to Asgard. This song, a reprise of the end of ‘For the first time in forever,’ technically does not appear in Frozen.

    Song #5 is based on ‘Endless Night,’ from the Broadway version of The Lion King, and does not have a perfect scene correlate in the movies. It takes place sometime after Thor has been sprung from the SHIELD facility, and sometime before the scene with Jane on the roof of–whatever they were on the roof of. Her trailer? Don’t I remember them having a fire up there? That seems perfectly safe! Carry on, you crazy lovebirds.

    A complete song list for Thor: The Frozen World can be found here.

    *Al Pacino also helped develop this rulebook, because of course he did. On a related note, can you imagine how fantastic an action movie starring these two would be? (Sea of Love doesn’t count). I don’t care what genre: buddy cop, spy versus spy, documentary…I would see it in theatres 1 million times. Make this happen, Hollywood.
    **I love how Loki cannot catch a break. Ever. I mean, sure, this is definitely not the most worthy moment of his entire existence, but sometimes I think that Kenneth Branagh and Joss Whedon must have gone out for beers to brainstorm all the creative ways they could show this character getting screwed over, and about 4 pints in, one of them (Whedon) said, “You know what? I’m trashed. Let’s just put them all in.”
    ========================================

    TFW Song 4: Forever reprise

    mp3

    wav
    If one or both of the songs files are not playing on your device, please let me know!

    Thor
    I’m such a fool, I didn’t see
    I’m not the queen Asgard needs me to be
    Sister don’t leave, please do not go
    Just ask mother – she’ll take me back, I know

    Loki
    She said you must stay here

    Thor
    She said I must stay here?

    Loki
    I’m sorry sister dear

    Thor
    Sister don’t leave me here

    Loki
    I must return to watch over the throne

    Thor
    -the throne!

    (Loki/Thor simultaneously)
    Loki
    For the first time in forever
    I have what I’ve dreamed of since birth
    A chance to make my family proud
    A chance to prove my worth

    Thor
    I’m such a fool, what have I done?
    I had it all and now I have no one
    Father… father, mother, how could I know?

    Loki
    And I know it might end tomorrow
    So it has to be today!
    But for the first time in forever
    For the first time in forever
    Nothing’s in my way!

    ========================================

    TFW Song 5: Endless Night
    Because Loki doesn’t have a monopoly on angst

    mp3

    wav
    If one or both of the songs files are not playing on your device, please let me know!

    Thor
    Where has the starlight gone
    Dark is the day
    How can I find my way home?
    Home is an empty dream
    Lost to the night
    Sister, I feel so alone

    I promised I’d be there
    Whenever you needed me
    But now if you needed me
    I can’t do anything

    I’m trying to hold on
    Though I know not what I should do
    How can I redeem myself
    and end this nightmare

    When will the dawning break
    Oh endless night
    Sleepless I dream of the day
    When we stood side by side
    Forging our path
    Sister I can’t find the way

    I promised I’d be there
    Whenever you needed me
    But now if you needed me
    I can’t do anything

    I’m trying to hold on
    Though I know not what I should do
    How can I redeem myself
    and end this nightmare

    Chorus
    I know that the night must end
    And then the sun will rise
    I know that the clouds must clear
    And that the sun will shine

    Thor
    I know that the night must end
    And then the sun will rise
    I know that the clouds must clear
    Because the storm is mine

    I know, yes I know the sun will rise
    Yes I know, I know the clouds must clear
    I know that the night must end
    I know that the sun will rise
    And I’ll find my strength deep inside
    I know that the night must end
    And that the clouds must clear
    Oh, the storm, the storm is mine
    The storm, the storm is mine!

    Next week: I am taking a hiatus for visiting family, so there will be no new Thor:TFW songs. There will be a different song though, so check back!