The other day I was washing dishes and singing “Defying Gravity” (as one does), while absently thinking through a problem I am having with a current analysis, and it occurred to me just how well the word ‘antisymmetry’ fit with the song.
So, in honor of starting this blog right before Valentine’s day, I’ve decided to write a fake parody album called Love Songs for Linguistic Theories, to eventually include DM, LFG, and OT, among others – if you have a request, let me know in the comments! For now, here are the lyrics to “Applying Antisymmetry.” For any interested non-linguists out there, learn about Antisymmetry here.
I like to imagine that this scene starts with Ricki picking up
and discovering that it can cast powerful, irreversible spells on sentence structure.
APPLYING ANTISYMMETRY (dedicated to Richard Kayne) – Sing along
GRAD STUDENT RICKI
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through deriving by the rules
Of Mister Chomsky’s fame
Too late for late insertion
Too late to try last resort
It’s time to be dynamic
Come out and show support!
It’s time to try
Applying antisymmetry
I think I’ll try
Applying antisymmetry
And you won’t crash my tree!
GRAD STUDENT MINNIE
Can’t I make you understand?
Not everything is head initial…
RICKI
I’m through with processing limits
’cause someone says they’re so
Some things I can’t derive
But till I try, I’ll never know!
Too long I’ve been afraid that
Remnant movement means I’ve lost
Well, if it works
I’ll take it whatever the cost!
And so I’ll buy
Applying antisymmetry
Kiss me goodbye
I’m applying antisymmetry
And you can’t crash my tree.
(spoken) Minnie, come with me.
Think of what we could
write, together.
(sung) Unlimited
Together we’re unlimited
Together we’ll have the best CV
There’s ever been
Minnie –
Trees, the way we planned ’em
MINNIE
If we merge in tandem
BOTH
There’s no data we can’t explain
Just you and I
Applying Antisymmetry
With you and I
Applying Antisymmetry
RICKI
They’ll never crash our tree!
(spoken) Well? Are you coming?
MINNIE
I hope you’re happy
Now that you’re choosing this
RICKI
(spoken) You too
(sung) I hope it brings you bliss
BOTH
I really hope that you’re sure
And you don’t miss out on tenure
I hope you’re happy in the end
I hope you’re happy, my friend
RICKI
So if you care to find me
Call me at NYU!
For this is my new motto:
‘I cannot live in fear of peer review!’
And if I publish solo
At least I publish free
To those who cite me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
applying antisymmetry
I’m no bad guy for
applying antisymmetry
And soon I’ll match them in renown
And nobody in all the field
Whatever theory they may wield
Is ever gonna crash my tree!
MINNIE
I hope you’re happy!
LINGUIST MOB
Look at her, she’s wicked!
Get her!
RICKI
Crash my tree!
LINGUIST MOB
No one cites the wicked
So we’ve got to crash her –
RICKI
Ahhh!
LINGUIST MOB
– Tree!