So, really…Where exactly was Rey?

Let’s discuss this. Take a moment and read it. I’ll patiently seethe in anger over here.

The #WheresRey hubbub has been going on for a couple of months now, and before her, it was Black Widow, Gamora, Wonder Woman –basically any female character in an action or superhero movie…dare I say it? A “boy” movie.

But we need to talk about this again today because –if the insider described in the linked article is telling the truth, and I’ll be honest with you, I think the insider was telling the truth – it actually confirms that the exclusion of these characters was deliberate.

It would have been bad enough if this was done through ignorance. If, completely unrelated to the character’s sex/gender, toy companies were somehow convinced that nobody was going to care about Rey, because…I don’t know. Heroes are boring? This argument makes little sense in our chosen-one/superhero obsessed era, but stay with me here, I’m trying. The point is, if it was a one-time thing that was done in ignorance, then the mistake could be pointed out, and we could move on.

But this wasn’t a one-time thing that was done in ignorance. It was deliberate. And, it is completely unacceptable that it was deliberate.

I know that there are Rey toys now. The outcry has worked, in this case. But, we need to be seriously discussing the impact that this type of attitude has on us, and how we can change it.

  1. “No boy wants…a product with a female character on it” is wrong.

I work with kids, and trust me: preschoolers do not really care about toy gender. I regularly see boys play with dolls or dress up as princesses. My friends’ son unabashedly loves Anna and Elsa, every bit as much as he loves Thor and Loki (which is obviously because those movies are exactly the same, but I’ll go back to beating that drum another day). These little boys are not rare, and they are not new. Very young boys of other generations owned She-Ra figurines, played dress-up, watched Disney movies…having a Y chromosome does not appear to predispose you to disregard certain activities, characters, or toys, just because there is a female involved.

2. “No boy wants…a product with a female character on it” is dangerous.

There is a moment, though, when it can all come crashing down. A parent, teacher, or even another child, utters “Boys don’t play with that,” or “Ew, that’s for girls!” and you can see that little boy frown and think about it…and thus begins the process of actively training little boys to grow up into executives who would think little boys don’t want products with female characters on them. What a horrid self-fulfilling prophecy.

This pernicious gendering discourages boys from certain types of imaginative play, specifically the type that helps them identify with others, and it often comes hand in hand with pushing boys towards things that link masculinity with lack of emotion and/or violence. At the same time, it creates and reinforces the idea of the  ‘female is other/lesser.’ In combination, these attitudes have hugely destructive ramifications for all genders.

3. Dear LucasFilm, Hasbro, etc, etc…Girls play with these toys too.

The statement that boys don’t want products with female characters contains the implicature that boys are the only ones who will play with these toys. It’s hard to know where to begin discussing how incorrect this is. One only needs to look at #WheresRey to see example after example of little girls dressed as Rey, parents of little girls who are looking for Rey toys, little girls who have written letters to toy companies asking them why there are no Black Widow dolls…

By deliberately excluding certain types of female characters (e.g. the ones from “boy movies”), companies send the message that these types of female characters don’t matter –you might be surprised just how easily children pick up on that message.

 4. Playtime matters

I have seen a lot of people online asking “Why does this matter? Don’t we have more important things to worry about than toys? You got a female character in Star Wars, so stop complaining!”

But toys do matter. When children engage in imaginative fantasy play, either with a doll or by acting out a character, this is more than just for fun. It is part of their development of personal and social identity. Children use characters as a proxy for themselves in exploring alternatives, problem solving, and skill-learning, all during unstructured play. They also develop relationships with characters as a proxy for their relationships with other children.

So yes, children need characters/toys who they can identify with. They need to see characters who share their gender, race, and ethnicity, and they need physical representations of these characters to play with. When these toys are missing, children can easily feel they are strange/unusual. And, when characters who do  share their gender/ethnicity/race are excluded from specific roles (e.g. Jedi), it needlessly limits the child’s view of what roles they can play.

Children also need characters/toys who help them identify with others. This means they need to see characters who do not share their gender, race, and ethnicity, and they need physical representations of these characters to play with. When these toys are missing, it can engender the idea that other ‘types’ of characters (people) are less valuable. It reinforces privilege. It decreases empathy/sympathy.

So, yes, I know there are other things to worry about, too. But actually, characters in movies, and toys based on them, REALLY DO MATTER. And it is NOT okay that movie studies/toy companies are collaborating to perpetuate unhealthy gender stereotypes, and it IS okay to complain about it. It is also okay to do something about it, by making an effort to minimize the gender stereotyping we engage in with children (and all the time…), to challenge it when other people engage in gender stereotyping with our children, and to challenge misconceptions about the marketability of female characters/toys, as well as characters/toys based on POC, ethnic minorities, people with disabilities…

There are a lot of other things we need to do too, but I’ve been angry enough for one day, and if I want to stay on the Light Side, I need to go do some meditation (this will not happen), eat a pizza (this will happen), and have a beer (this will possibly happen twice).

“Change is the essential process of all existence.”

“The glory of creation is in its infinite diversity.”

“And in the ways our differences combine to create meaning and beauty.”  

-Miranda and Spock, ‘Is there no truth in beauty?’

===

Last Friday, I went out with some friends after work, and in a rare fit of technological willpower, turned my phone on silent and slung it in my bag. So, it wasn’t until I was walking home, idly completing a quick grocery run, that I saw I had missed 6 different messages about Leonard Nimoy’s passing.

That was a week ago. I keep trying to explain why I burst into tears right there in the Tesco parking lot, to justify the continuing deep sense of loss I feel over the death of a man I have never met. I’ve watched the internet overflow with memorials for this extraordinary soul, wanting to contribute my own without being able to find the right words.

I may never have the right words, but these are the best ones I could come up with.

===

Generation after generation, Star Trek was the show that challenged us to strive for a better humanity, constantly tackling issues of race, religious freedom, different cultures, sexualities, gender identities … yes, these delicate topics were rarely handled perfectly, but Star Trek (almost) always tried. This is, for me, the true Trek phenomenon.

And all of that began with Spock.

IDIC

“Logic is the beginning of wisdom … not the end.” – Spock, ‘The Undiscovered Country’

When TOS was first piloted, Roddenberry had to lobby against NBC execs to keep Spock’s eyebrows and pointed ears. They were convinced the affect would be viewed as ‘satanic’ on a character who was already cold and logical, and yes, I suppose that the first thing that comes to mind when people think of Vulcans is ‘logic’.

But I will argue until I am blue in the face with anyone who claims that Vulcans are cold. Vulcans are a people who consciously choose, every day of their lives, to control their emotions, and whose traditions, from the Vulcan salute and live long and prosper all the way through the teachings of Surak and the rituals of the High Priestesses, are rooted in the deepest spirituality. Even the IDIC – which, ironically, Roddenberry introduced as a merchandising tactic over intense protest from the actors – grew over time to become the physical symbol of Star Trek‘s most important theme: Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

And all of that began with Leonard Nimoy.

"The miracle is this - The more we share, the more we have." -Leonard Nimoy

“The miracle is this – The more we share, the more we have.” -Leonard Nimoy

Everyone who ever worked with him — Gene Roddenberry, William Shatner, Mark Lenard, Kirstie Alley…everyone — agrees that Nimoy was the mind and soul behind the identity of not only Spock but the entire Vulcan race. And just look where he took them. Vuclans could have been what many sci-fi aliens are: a window through which we could view the nature of humanity. They were that, of course, but Nimoy made them so much more.

See, Kirk was the swashbuckling, romantic space cowboy, and McCoy was the comically grouchy and somewhat xenophobic voice of skepticism — human characters, plucked straight from our present and placed in a utopic future, just like Uhura, Scotty, Sulu and Chekov. But Vulcans, especially Spock, they represented the type of humanity that Star Trek tells us we could be someday: Non-violent. Logical. Accepting.

There’s no question that Star Trek wouldn’t have been as relatable, as exciting, without Kirk, but without Spock — without their friendship that was so deep it defied death and single-handedly created fanfiction — could there have been such fervent hope for Gene Roddenberry’s vision of our future?

Nimoy once said of Spock that, “In a way, he was more human than anyone else on the ship,” and I’ve wondered whether Kirk’s eulogy in Wrath of Khan could have been inspired by Nimoy sharing this feeling with the writers, or whether they just recognized the complete truth of that statement instinctively.

WoK

“Of my friend, I can only say this: Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most …. human.” – Kirk, ‘Wrath of Khan’

===

I wrote Leonard Nimoy a letter back in 1993. I never sent it, mostly because it was embarrassingly honest, and I had a lot of shame at age 9. So it mouldered in disorganized piles of old school papers, drawings, and photos, until our basement flooded and my father swept the water-damaged detritus into boxes for me to sort through.

Now, the thing I keep thinking is I wish I had told Leonard Nimoy how much Vulcans meant to me.

Of course, how many people have surely told him that over the years? What would one extra message from one random woman have accomplished? And yet, I think that Leonard Nimoy was the sort of person who would have cared just as much the 10,000th time he heard that as the first. This is, after all, the man who announced that he would consider himself an honorary grandfather to anyone and everyone who just tweeted him and asked.

So, for what it’s worth, if somehow you know I’m saying this: Leonard Nimoy, thank you for Spock. Of every actor and character from every book, show, and movie that I have ever seen – you and Spock were the ones that showed me the type of human I want to be.

===

Dear Mr. Nimoy,

My name is Robyn and I live in Alaska. My mom and dad and I watch Star Trek, and we just saw Wrath of Khan. I was really sad and cried when you died, but then my dad told me you come back to life. I didn’t believe him so we watched Search for Spock that same night.

Sometimes I wish I was a Vulcan because you’re always so smart you can figure out the right answer for anybody, even Saavik since she’s not very old and doesn’t know as much yet. And whenever you feel upset you can stop feeling that way before anybody else knows. I wish I could do that, but I wouldn’t want to do the Kohlinar because never having emotions again seems sad. I think that’s why Spock didn’t do it either.

I know you wrote that book about how you don’t want everyone to think that you’re just Spock, and that’s okay, because you’re not just Spock. But I wanted to write to say that I don’t think you have to be Spock, because Spock is you.

Thank you for being in Star Trek.

Love,

Robyn

Do you want to go exploring?

This week: Thor and Loki have some sisterly feels, and the internet rejoices, because there is nothing the internet loves more than feels (except, of course, kittens).

Mild spoilers for Thor: The Dark World, and … Norse Mythology, should you be really concerned about that.

========================================

Song 10: Do you want to go exploring?
Other people have come with some seriously funny parody options for this song, including: Do you want to kill some Frost Giants?, Do you want to hunt a bilgesnipe?, Do you want to dethrone Odin?, Do you want to destroy Midgard? … man, Thor and Loki are pretty violent Disney princesses, aren’t they?

I went in a slightly more sappy direction. Just like ‘Do you want to build a snowman?’ in Frozen, ‘Do you want to go exploring?’ is the exposition of how Thor and Loki’s relationship gets to the conflicted place seen at the beginning of the story.

Unlike Frozen, though, the song is at the end of the musical, in a flashback set immediately after Thor comes to Loki in prison and asks for help destroying the Aether. This is the point where Thor claims that s/he no longer views Loki as a sister/brother, and for anyone who still thinks that “superhero movies are poorly written and the actors don’t even try” – false. Look no further than this scene, which is a wonderful example of thoughtful, subtle character development in a screenplay (of any genre), and a great showcase of Chris Hemsworth’s acting ability.

A lot of the events in the song happen silently during the musical interlude, which makes understanding it a bit tricky without a visual, so here is what’s going on: The long instrumental interlude is this musical’s take on the ‘Loki steals Sif’s golden hair’ story, and verse 3 is in immediate response to that.

Song 11: Do you want to go exploring reprise
Frozen didn’t have a reprise for ‘Do you want to build a snowman?’ which is a crying shame, because that would have been perfect for sad-Elsa, all alone up in her fortress of icy doom.

This song is the final scene of Thor: The Frozen World, set right after Thor tells ‘Odin’ that she is going to return to Midgard to be with Jane. Then, curtain on evil Loki smirk – and can I just say that the transition from melancholy to ominous in the final measures of the song is further proof in my brain that the creators of Frozen wanted a Thor-rewrite all along? Because it couldn’t be more perfect for that ending.

The complete set of Thor: The Frozen World songs can be found here.

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WordPress doesn’t seem to play well with Macs, so if you can’t play these files, I’m sorry! Maybe try another device? If you are on an iPhone, Blackberry, PC, or something else, and they still won’t play … I just don’t know. I’m working on making youtube videos for everything.

DO YOU WANT TO GO EXPLORING?

5-year-old Thor:
Loki?
Do you want to go exploring?
Come on, let’s go and play!
I found a super scary cave
It might be a grave
Let’s go see it today

We’ll always be best buddies
No matter what
I promise I’ll be by your side
Do you want to go exploring?
If you’re too scared to go exploring …

5-year-old Loki:
[spoken] I am not, and you know it, Thor!

5-year-old Thor:
[spoken] It worked, didn’t it? Come on, hurry up!

10-year-old Thor:
Do you want to go exploring
Or catch some fish down in the brook?
I think some sparring might be overdue
Before you fall into the pages of your book
[spoken] What does that even say?

I promise if you come out
Then when we return
We’ll do whatever you want to do!
[Wooden swords clacking]

16-year-old Thor
Loki?
Please, I know you’re in there
Will you open up the door?
They say “Don’t trust her”
But I don’t agree!
I wish you’d talk to me
Just let me in

You’ll always be my sister
No matter what
I just wish you wouldn’t lie
Do you want to go exploring…?

========================================
DO YOU WANT TO GO EXPLORING?, REPRISE

Thor:
Father
Please, I cannot stay here
I leave for Midgard with the dawn
I forgot how much I needed her
The way we were
And now she’s gone

I’ll always protect Asgard
But not as Queen
If I ruled my heart would grow hard
For now, I want to go exploring

Loki:
Goodbye

My musical doesn’t sound so crazy NOW, does it?! (Or: I am the oracle Marvel deserves, but not the one that — nope, screw that, call me, Marvel, call me … maybe?)

Happy Sunday, world. This has been a pretty amazing week of amazingness:

(1) My hero Weird Al not only released a new album, but it contained this absolute gem of a song, devoted to grammar.
(Obligatory linguist comment: Yes, as a syntactician, my professional view on prescriptive grammar rules is that they are obsolete and don’t adequately define the natural use of human language. But I don’t care. This song is hilarious and I’ll not apologize for already having it memorized).

(2) I spent several hours researching weird shower curtains. What does that have to do with music? Nothing at all. This blog has gone geek-rogue, people.

Last, but the complete opposite of least:
(3) Marvel announced that starting in the next major Thor story arc, Thor will be female.

There probably are not enough exclamation points in the world to communicate how excited I am about this, but let me try:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

An accurate depiction of my face when I heard the news. Also an accurate depiction of my skills drawing in Paint.

An accurate depiction of my face when I heard the news. Also an accurate depiction of my skills drawing in Paint.

And, to the – no exaggeration – 14 different people who texted, emailed, or facebooked me within 5 hours of the announcement: I am (inexplicably) not yet in charge of Valhalla, but should I ever be, you are guaranteed entry.

The new Thor is not a reboot. Instead, old Thor will somehow become unworthy of Mjolnir, which then passes on to a new female character, along with his … name? title? I have to be honest, it is a little unclear to me how a random person can become Thor. Is Thor a position now, like President, Captain America, or Chief Ice Cream Taster? Can one study to become a Thor, because if so, I did college very, very wrong.

Another curious issue is what happens to old Thor – Does he hang around and start going by a new name like “Bob” or “the-demigod-formerly-known-as-Thor,” or does he disappear off to the tropics to oil his insanely large muscles in obscurity? I personally think that Billy-Bob Thorton goes to Tahiti would make a fantastic spin-off series (Loki would of course be the sassy cabana-boy nemesis who puts itching powder in Bob’s towel and occasionally terrorizes the tourists as a shark). Sadly, I’ve heard that old Thor will not only stick around, but will still be called Thor because that’s his birthname (Ah, I see. It’s a name AND a title! So when I complete my degree in Norse-Godliness, and then legally change my name to Thor, I can be known as Thor the Thor. Fantastic).

The most pressing question for me, though, is whether becoming Thor, Goddess of Thunder means that the new lady also becomes Odin’s daughter. If that’s the case … honey, I am so, SO sorry. And, uh, while we’re chatting, have you met your new brother yet? Why do I ask? No reason … you know what, maybe just start therapy now, okay?

In all seriousness though, unlike many people on the internet, I’m not actually worried about any of these things. I am enjoying Jason Aaron’s run with Thor, and I think he’s going to take this story in a creative, exciting direction. The only thing that could make it better is if they had found a way to make Loki female too, but alas, the premise seems to rule that out (for any new visitors, here are my reasons for wanting a female Loki, and no, Lady Loki does not count).

Anyways, bravo, Marvel, bravo! Now, any interest in making a plucky female Thor musical? I might know someone.

10 shower curtains not even a geek could love

I know. It has been inexcusably long since I last posted. I have excuses (don’t hold your breath, they aren’t very good ones). First of all, I have been working on about six different musical projects, five of which are going to be done in the next month and a half, so at least I’m coming out of hiding with a bang. Second, as some of you know, I got a job at the University of Sheffield and will be moving to the UK in a month, so I’ve been dealing with the never-ending ‘excitement’ of the UK Visa department (Motto: Confusing more Americans every year than the IRS!)

One of the fantastic side effects of this move is that because everything in the UK is way more expensive than in the US, I have the best excuse ever to shop for all sorts of random nonsense NOW. This is why a few nights ago, instead of doing anything at all productive or valuable to either myself or society, I threw on Pulp Fiction and went online shopping for shower curtains. About 20 minutes in, I got fed up with shrubbery, ugly birds, geometric shapes and on a whim, I image searched “nerdy shower curtains.”

Wow. I now know that Cafe Press will put anything on a shower curtain. Seriously, it was the shopping equivalent of Glee – I kept trying to stop, but with every episode click, they just got weirder and less believable. 3 hours of wtf-ery later, I can now present a collection of 10 shower curtains that someone, somewhere, actually decided were sound business investments. There are so many more candidates, but I had to cut myself off. Plus my movie ended. And I ran out of beer. It was the perfect storm of bed-time, really.

Disclaimer: If you own one of these shower curtains, or want to, then (and I say this as someone who non-ironically owns a set of ninja-turtles-in-Star-Trek-uniforms action figures) we need to have a serious heart-to-heart about your interior decorating strategy.

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(1) Shower curtains with completely random quotes.

In theory, there’s nothing wrong with a quote on a shower curtain. That said, this is something you – and possibly guests – are going to look at multiple times every day. It should probably be generally meaningful or at least iconic, right?

Wrong. For some reason, there is a quote shower curtain for seemingly every single Star Trek character, even if they weren’t in the main cast. This is REALLY good news for the (one) fan who just can’t start the day without Kai Opaka informing them that their pah is strong, but for those of you who are currently wondering who Kai Opaka is, it’s because she only appears in two episodes total.

There were so many good options to choose from in this series, but here is my favorite:

WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS BATHROOM THAT MAKES THIS APPLICABLE?!

WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS BATHROOM THAT MAKES THIS APPLICABLE?!

The quotes aren’t just confined to Star Trek characters though. No, no. Here is one of the strangest conflations between a character and the actor’s internet persona (from over 20 years later) that I have ever seen:

I guess this is meant to inspire dudes to not pee on the toilet seat?

I guess this is meant to inspire dudes to not pee on the toilet seat?

For some reason, odd quotes were mostly limited to the Star Trek universe. However … there was also the following –

Tony Stark: Encouraging nerds to be 24-7 antisocial workaholics since 1963.

Tony Stark: Encouraging nerds to work 24-7, even in the shower, since 1963.

Allow me a moment to compile a list of the absolute worst places to be when the Iron Man suit flies through the air to attach to your body. Hmm … yep, okay: naked in the shower is definitely at the top.

Finally, there’s this gem. I do have to give credit where credit is due; this is, at least, one of the character’s more notable quotes:

Do I really need to specify why this is hilariously inappropriate in a bathroom setting?

Do I really need to specify why this is hilariously inappropriate in a bathroom setting?

Heheheheh.

(2) Shower curtains that awkwardly feature real people.

There are a lot of superhero shower curtains. Not a shock, eh? I don’t think I would want one, but I can at least understand how someone could think that having Iron Man flying around in their bathroom would be cool.

BECAUSE HE WEARS A MASK.

People. It is one thing to have cartoon characters staring at you while you shower. It is an entirely different thing to have realistic images of real people creepily watching you.

Well, if THIS doesn't convince you that Twilight is an epic romance with absolutely no stalking or unhealthy emotional manipulation, I don't know WHAT will!

Well, if THIS doesn’t convince you that Twilight is an epic romance with absolutely no stalking, I don’t know WHAT will!

Seriously, these things make me uncomfortable. I talk to myself in the shower enough without feeling like some random person I’ve never met is angrily judging me. I HAVEN’T HAD COFFEE YET, OKAY ROBERT?!

It’s no less awkward with any other celebrity, either:

This is the face of a woman who knows you don't floss as often as your dentist told you to.

Scarlet Johansson is watching, and she knows you don’t floss as often as your dentist told you to.

Then there’s this one. Setting aside Chris Hemsworth for a moment, can I question the wisdom of having a guy who calls LIGHTNING anywhere near your shower?

Double points for this one because it also has a quote from Odin. Thor doesn't even get a shower curtain to himself, take THAT, daddy issues!

Double points for this one because it also has a quote from Odin. Thor doesn’t even get a shower curtain to himself, take THAT, daddy issues!

Oh boy, though, the dubious honor for largest number of scary, staring shower curtains goes to Loki, and by extension, Tom Hiddleston.

No. Just ... no. The last thing I need in the morning is more rage. Really, stop looking at me like that. GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM HIDDLESTON!

No. Just … no. The last thing I need in the morning is more rage. Really, stop looking at me like that. GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM HIDDLESTON!

So we’re done now, aren’t we? Oh, I guess there’s also this Sherlock one with Benedict Cumberbatch and Andr–

AHHHHHHHHHHH! WHY ARE THERE RED EYES?! I'm sorry Tom! Bring back your rage, I swear I trust it now!

AHHHHHHHHHHH! WHY IS HIS EYE RED?! I’m sorry Tom! Bring back your rage, I swear I trust it now!

Why? Why would you ever put that in your bathroom? Do you WANT to have a heart attack at 3am when you forget you bought it and catch a glimpse of the scary split-head man with one red eye who is lurking in your shower?!

Those of you who have spent more than two minutes on the internet in the past year won’t be surprised at the interesting ‘trend’ in the creepy real-person shower curtains. With the exception of Scarlet Johansson, they’re all young, attractive, white, male actors with overwhelming fan bases and accents (this last part is the only justification I have for the mysterious exclusion of Chris Evans). This is a similar group to what you find on those epically creepy full body pillows (Although to be 100% honest, some are clever as well as creepy – I am woman enough to admit that the Phil Coulson one made me laugh so hard that I did a bona fide spit take).

Anyway, I digress. The point is, I thought the actors featured on these products formed a pretty clearly defined group, until I stumbled upon:

(3) Shower curtains with Bill Murray.

These shower curtains almost don’t belong on this list because they have transcended some crucial level of strangeness to come all the way back around to incredible.

...

I have nothing to say here. This shower curtain has actually shorted out my ability to be snarky. Why does it exist? Does Bill Murray know? Does he OWN one?

Here’s the best part: THERE’S AN ENTIRE SERIES OF THESE GLORIOUS MASTERPIECES. So far it seems like Society 6 has the … monopoly, I suppose? on this market, but if you find others, please let me know in the comments.

Because I might need to buy one.

Let it go

This Week:

Dear “Dad”,

Suck it.

Hate Always,

Loki

PS-You too, Thor.

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Well here goes. Let it Go. There are many, many versions of this song, but Loki’s is a bit…angrier. Despite rampant fan speculation, we have no concrete idea of what happened to movie-Loki during the year between the end of Thor and the beginning of Avengers, including how he aligned with the Chitauri and Thanos, and what happened to make him show up on Earth looking like Mr. Roadkill Raccoon and acting less like an extremely intelligent super-villain-with-a-plan and more like a sleep deprived heroin junkie.

See? Clearly nothing went wrong here. Nothing at all.

See? Clearly nothing went wrong here. Nothing at all.

My dearest Marvel: I am thrilled that you have movies planned out to 2028, and I have complete faith that one of those 14 YEARS of films will explain what happened off-screen to your (by far) best villain to date to cause such a shift in behavior. Also, while we’re chatting, how exactly did he get a new outfit while floating around in space? Is Thanos an armor designer with a zipper fetish? Please say Thanos is an armor designer with a zipper fetish. Anyway, back to Princess Loki. In The Frozen World, ‘Let it go’ is the bridge (ha, pun intended) between that mysterious time period and Loki’s arrival on Earth. The first two verses are set on the Chitauri homeworld (or wherever she landed after falling). Starting with the second chorus, Loki arrives to Earth and wreaks havoc at SHIELD and in Stuttgart. (The complete set of Thor: The Frozen World songs is here) ===============================
LET IT GO mp3

wav

If one or both of the song files are not playing on your device, please let me know! Apparently a lot of people can’t play the files, so I uploaded a lyrics video to youtube:

 

Loki

The stars burn bright in this desolate night
Not a person to be seen
A kingdom of devastation,
and it looks like I’m the queen

The wind is howling
like this monster deep inside
Couldn’t keep it in;
though I know you tried

It’s finally clear, my legacy
The shadow’s where you wanted me to be
You lie, deny, won’t let me know
Well now I know

Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold me back anymore
Let it go, let it go
I am through coming second to Thor
I don’t care what they’re going to say
Let the storm begin
The cold never bothered me anyway

It’s funny how some distance
makes everything seem small
and the shame that once controlled me
can’t get to me at all

I’ll finally prove what I can do
I’ll test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me I’m free

Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and say goodbye
Let it go, let it go
My whole life was a lie
Here I stand and here I stay
Let the storm begin

I bring you chaos
like you’ve never known before
Come, kneel before me –
give up your pointless freedom, endless war
I see my path unfolding,
now the die is cast
I’m never going back,
the past is in the past

Let it go, let it go
They’re better off with me gone
Let it go, let it go
I am done playing the pawn
Here I stand – I’m not going away
Let the storm begin
The cold never bothered me anyway

===============================
Next Week: Loki and Thor battle during the Chitauri invasion of Earth, which is about the only thing that happens in this musical from Avengers, so blink and you’ll miss it!

Love is an bifrost door

This Week: Thor and Jane fall in love. That’s right, everyone, as of right now, Thor: The Frozen World is a superhero-princess-lesbian musical adventure. This is an epic genre, including timeless classics like BtVS: Once More with Feeling, and…

Well… It’s also a selective genre, okay?

This song takes place when Jane and Thor are talking on the roof about the realms and the bifrost, and can I just say that these two do not get nearly enough flak for falling in love over what is basically a long weekend? I mean, look Jane, I understand that Thor has muscles that completely defy mortal logic, but darling, he was passed out and/or acted like a neanderthal jerk for two whole days out of your…three days of knowing him, and you pined over him for two years?

And Thor! You’re what, 1500 years old? Shouldn’t you know better by now? You know what, I’ll let Elsa/Loki say it for me:

Woman you just met
In my musical, this exchange would definitely happen during the final bifrost fight scene.

Complete set of Thor: The Frozen World songs can be found here.

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If the song will not play for you, please let me know!

LOVE IS AN OPEN DOOR

Jane: Can I say something crazy?

Thor: Midgardians seem wont to do so.

Jane: All my life people have told me my head’s up in space,
And then suddenly I run into you

Thor: Twice
Jane: I’m so sorry!
Thor: Fret not, Lady Jane

Thor: I’ve struggled for so long to live up to my place
And maybe it’s the coffee talking, or a change in world view

Both: But with you,
Thor: I’ve a new place
Jane: I’ve found my space
Both: And it’s nothing like I’ve ever known before

Love is an bifrost door (x3)
With you (x4)
Love is an bifrost door

Jane: I mean it’s crazy
Thor: What?
Jane: You’re nothing like other-
Thor: Warriors!
Jane: Not what I was thinking…
Both: I’ve never met someone with so much to teach me

Thor Another! Just kidding

Both: This cosmic expatriation
Jane: May change all my calculations
Thor: May come to be my salvation
Both: You and I were just meant to meet!
Say goodbye to the pain of the past
We don’t have to feel it anymore

Love is an bifrost door (x2)
Life can be so much more
With you (x4)
Love is an bifrost door

Thor: Much like the bifrost!
Jane: Yeah about that, I wanted to ask–how do you keep it stable? You’d have to have some sort of highly conductive metal sphereoid, right?
Thor: What?

Next Week: Next week’s update is happening on Friday. Why? We’ve finally gotten to Loki’s songs, including ‘Let it Go’! So, in honor of everyone’s favorite intergalactic mama’s boy, screw stupid Thor and his stupid day, we’re posting on Frigga’s day.